STEVE
Being with Steve is my favorite time spent in my day. He makes me so comfortable and he allows me to be me. It is never dull. We always have fun and more importantly we love each other, yet know where we stand with each other. Steve is your typical Divorced bachelor. He wants his cake and he wants to devour all of the cupcakes around him also. I am his "Queen". I know this. But I will never be "enough" and lately it bothers me.
He is my husband type. He might be close to my soul mate. He fits all of the parts and he makes me happy and treats me the way I want to be treated. I want to take care of him and love him for the rest of my life. He will love me as long as I live but I will never completely have him. It never bothered me. At first it was just something to do. He kept me warm at night and we always had a good time when we were together. Now... I want more from him and I can't even ask him for it because it has always been clear from te beginning. He can offer me no more tan what I am getting. I agreed to that then and it wouldn't be fair for me to ask him to renegotiate our already solid contract.
I know I deserve better. I know I deserve his all. I would do anything for that. I am afraid that if I do bring that to the table again that he will let me go completely and I don't think I can live without him... which is why I have Patrick...
Patrick
Patrick is my Irish lover. I met Patrick through mutual friends and we immediately were in lust with each other. My relationship with Patrick was ONLY supposed to be a one time affair. It was NEVER supposed to involve feelings. It was all about our fantasies and what others couldn't do for us.
He grew attached. I wanted more of him. Feelings became apparent and well, lets just say that we are very close now. Very close. Sometimes its weird because he is very "brotherly". Brotherly meaning protective and nurturing. We have been through alot together. He is an outstanding dad and a spectacular friend. I would hate to think that someday we would drift apart. But I am afraid that it is already happening. I seem to have found reasons not to see him lately. I am not sure yet why or what the underlying reasons are but they'll surface soon I am sure. It's all probably for the best. I am confident about that.
Brian
My Brian. Brian and I have known each other since May of 1996. I crushed on him immediately. He came in for a hair cut and for 4 years starting that day, we were inseparable. He changed my entire view of men. When I met Brian I was so devastated with Hannah's Dad (Paul) and my relationship. Hannah was just born a month before I met Bri. He turned my world upside down and emotionally supported me and stuck by me through the tumultuous last months of Paul and I. He and I are still the best of friends. When we were a couple he made me so happy and loved me so much that it became scary for me. I am not sure if Love is what I felt for Brian. I loved him but I think I loved him for all of the wrong reasons. He taught me everything. I learned so much from him and I am so grateful for him being in my life. So grateful.
Rocco
He is the man I don't think I will ever have. People say, including him, that I only want him because I can't have him.
He IS the ultimate challenge for me. Those who know me best know that I do thrive from challenging situations.... And this my friends is the most challenging of them all. He truly is my soul mate. We instantly connected. A single phone conversation turned into 4 hours of us connecting and realizing how special this could truly be. He makes me think. He makes me want to be better. He makes me want to make it happen. Here's the dilemma . .. Rocco lives clear across the country... Literally. He lives East of LA on the beach... where I want to be but don't think I ever will be again. Living in Boston seems to be my destiny and Rocco has made it clear that he will never leave Cali. See where the problem is? I don't know when my desire and longing to be with Rocco will subside. The connection and feelings I have for him lead me to believe that it is highly unlikely that I will ever let him go completely.
